I’d Rather Hide.
Stay out of sight. Instead of being open and putting myself out there. Exposing myself to the scrutiny of others.
Putting myself out there stemmed from my childhood. Child abuse and violence thrives in the shadows. Even the many who witnessed my abuse didn’t want to talk about it. They would rather crucify me than acknowledge what happened.
I was left to deal with it on my own. The unheard, unseen damaged child was my problem. I was expected to suck it up and to keep my mouth shut. Sweep it under the carpet, and not to rock the boat.
Yet the cycles were mine to break, and the guilt and shame were never mine to carry. So I started talking. People weren’t interested. So I talked louder.
I created Warrior Kids. Wrote books, ended up speaking at schools and events. Was interviewed on television, newspapers and magazines. I spoke about my life, about family violence and breaking cycles. Any time someone told me to be quiet I increased the volume again.
Feeling overexposed, anxiety and fear would often get the better of me. A pattern I had was to put out a work, and then run for the hills and stay hidden for a few months.
Now though circumstances have changed. I am having to claim my work in a way that I never have before. Staying in the shadows isn’t going to serve me and all that I’ve accomplished. Nor is it going to serve all the people who have supported me over the years. So no more hiding.
See you in the light.
This blog was first published on Facebook and Linkedin July 25, 2021.
Copyright© Tim Tipene, 2021.