I love my Wife.
Ours is a love story.
She was working at a takeaway on Swanson Road. I turned up to make an order. Beef chop suey, Chicken fried rice and spare ribs in Peking sauce. Our eyes met and from then on they wouldn’t stop meeting.
Ours was a wonderful beginning. Long lingering talks, picnics in parks, restaurants. Just her presence soothed me.
Being together was easy, too easy. For me it wasn’t sustainable. I had never known love like this before. I was a traumatised survivor of a violent and abusive childhood. The outcome of rape. Unable to trust and believe that anyone could love me. I was unlovable.
With each act of kindness, each touch of gentleness I lost sight of who I was. I had been brought up to believe that I was worthless, undeserving, an evil looser. Yet the way she looked at me, spoke to me, considered me, contradicted all of my childhood beliefs. I lost all sense of self. I was confused, she was even more confused.
We pulled at each other, trying to keep us together. Ultimately though we pushed us apart. Not even two babies was enough to hold the relationship. We broke up and I became a single parent.
After over eight years I finally accepted that she loved me. That she had always loved me. And that she too felt that she wasn’t good enough. I removed the locks and opened the door, opened my heart. Naturally we fell back together.
The kids were thrilled to have Mum home. Our family of three was back to four. Now that's success.
My latest book, ‘White Moko’, is available online and in shops.
This blog was first published on Facebook and Linkedin July 18, 2021.
Copyright© Tim Tipene, 2021.