Sons hitting Mums
This is one of the issues that I have been addressing lately with boys and teens in Warrior Kids. It breaks my heart for the mums and their sons. It is not okay.
Anger and frustration are a part of our earthly experience. Learning to manage our emotions is essential to achieving self-control and having a good life. We all get angry and frustrated. In families there are outbursts and overreactions. That is normal and in many ways healthy. However hitting doesn’t have to be a part of it.
In my home there is no hitting. No one has ever been hit. Well, my daughter did have a go at her older brother a couple of times, but we addressed that. Really it was more about my daughter wanting to see what it felt like to hit someone. Her poor brother, and again it’s not okay.
Otherwise though no one has been hit or smacked in our home. Everyone is expected to address their frustration and anger without lashing out, especially us grown-ups as we are the role models.
If your son has hit you or even threatened to hit you then it needs to be addressed as soon as possible. Do not let it develop into a recurring behaviour that will escalate to the point where you are frightened in your own home and having to call the police. The earlier it is addressed the better. And I’m talking about getting help for the son here, not punishment. Help that will attend to the underlying issues behind the behaviour and that teaches boys how to be with their emotions without inflicting pain or power over tactics on others.
Don’t shrug it off, don’t just accept it. You and your son both need to feel safe, as well as the other members of the family.
Ways that you can address this behaviour at home is by having open and honest conversations with your son.
Ensuring that you have support for your own emotional needs, and that you are managing your frustration and anger in constructive ways.
Having screen free time. (Most of the incidents that I have been dealing with recently have involved screens and the child/teen not wanting to get off their game. Screens are so addictive and we all, adults and children, need to manage our exposure to them.)
Have your son spend time with positive male role models who demonstrate self-control and who manage their emotions constructively, and who demonstrate respect and kindness.
Find support and assistance for your son. If you are nearby come to Warrior Kids. Otherwise access a therapist, community organisation or programme in your area.
Don’t put it off. Addressing it now will ensure that your son has a good future and that you are safe in your own home.
First published on Facebook and Linkedin July 8th, 2021.
Copyright© Tim Tipene, 2021.