To the Fatherless on Father's Day.
To those who don’t have a father.
Some of us just don’t have fathers. There were those that gave us life, but after that there wasn’t much else.
Father’s day was never easy for me.
My biological father was a rapist. That is how I came to be here. He has spent a great deal of his life in prison. A convicted sex offender of women and children.
I walked into Mt Eden Prison as a young man to meet him. It didn’t go well.
The only time he wanted anything to do with me was a few years later. When he asked for my protection against a family of a little girl that he had hurt. I walked away.
My Step Father was there when I was growing up. There for mum. He had mum’s permission to do what he liked with me, and he did.
My parents were hurt as children. Have remained trapped in the effects of generational cycles of abuse.
I was not a wanted child. To this day my parents don’t want anything to do with me. Have told me repeatedly to stay away. Not to come near. That’s okay, I love them.
I have worked with many over the years. Who, for whatever reason, didn’t have fathers. I am their positive, male role model. A fatherly figure. It came from therapy for me. I had to learn to parent myself.
I do it constantly. Be the parent to myself that never was.
I care for and nurture me. Show consideration and understanding to me. Encourage, look after and keep myself safe. Ensure that I make good decisions, both short and long term. Get the help and support that I need. Love me, and allow myself to be loved. Remind myself that I am okay, and that I am enough. I encourage others to do the same.
I am now a father. Parenting myself has become even more important, as it ensures that I am a good parent, and remain one.
My children know nothing of the violence and abuse I grew up with. They are loved, thriving, well and happy.
Now that makes for a Happy Father’s Day.
Copyright© Tim Tipene, 2021.
Photo from 2014.